Weddings are inevitably a *slightly* stressful event - you're often trying to balance your families, potentially a large amount of money, various traditions (or creating your own non-traditional ones), and listening to (often unsolicited) input from heaps of people -- those who love you, and those who maybe you only just met on the street, everyone seems to have opinions on how you should do your wedding! This is enough to cause stress on one day, let alone over many months of planning.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to delegate or outsource tasks to family or friends. I have a handful of client's who have had parents (yes, both moms AND dad's) that are, what the couple feels, overly involved or controlling in their view of what their child's wedding day should be. This can be true of certain friends or other family members as well. This energy comes from a place of love, but can sometimes feel more like commands, rather than polite requests.
The best way to handle parents/siblings/cousins/aunts/uncles/friends that want to be involved, is to direct their involvement to specific tasks that you actually could use some help, and they will feel some ownership over. Or try giving your friend that keeps offering help, something to help you with! Oftentimes our friends offer to help, but don't know what specifically we need help with, don't feel like you're burdening someone by asking! It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, there are a lot of decisions, and some you'll feel more strongly about than others - so on those smaller ones, it can be helpful to have a few go to people. Please keep in mind that if you are asking someone to help pick bridesmaid dresses, you have to be open to their ideas and can't micromanage them. If you have too specific of a vision that you don't feel anyone else can execute properly, asking for help with stuffing invitations could be a better task where there is less room for free reign. Be respectful and gracious of anyone spending their time helping you, and if anyone seems like they were the wrong fit to ask for help from, be graceful in letting them know you have it handled from here.
Here are some great tasks that you can outsource to help free up your brain space, and help others to feel involved in your wedding planning process.
- Collecting quotes from a specific group of vendors // You can provide the exact vendors, and they can reach out for you!
- Coming up with ideas for guest favors or welcome baskets and assisting with purchasing or assembly
- Research of anything from venues to bridal accessories and ties.
- Flower girl outfits and ring bearer outfits
- Assembly of invitations or addressing of invitations and save the dates if someone has handwriting you trust
- Gift ideas for flower girls and ring bearers
- Organizing and managing hotel room blocks
- Assistance booking any beauty appointments (hair, waxes, nails, spray tan)
- Helping you select wines, beers, signature cocktails
- Attending catering tastings with you
- Brainstorming ideas for bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts
- Reserving shuttles and establishing proper shuttle timing
- Brainstorming of first dance, parent dance or processional and recessional songs
- Providing you with ideas for outfits for rehearsal dinner, brunch, bridal shower
- Booking your hotel room for wedding accommodations
- Helping with cake topper ideas or dessert stands or cake knives
- Booking childcare or come up with a plan to keep kids entertained at the reception
- Brainstorm creative guest book ideas
- Helping de-sticker votives and put a candle in each one (my mom helped me with this!)
- Helping to organize escort cards alphabetically
- Assign them to wedding day or rehearsal dinner tasks like taking home gifts at the end of the night, or picking up and bringing the cake to reception or alcohol.
Often times we misinterpret overbearingness as a need for control, but often this does come from a place of love and wanting to genuinely help you, so as long as you can keep your cool and re-direct their energy, you can guide them into a role that both of you feel comfortable with - one where you are happy to get the help, and they are happy to feel helpful with specific tasks.